A support network is critical during a cancer journey, but having a strong network of friends may actually help you escape that drama altogether. The CDC found that people with strong bonds have a 50% higher likelihood of survival. Meaningful connections are found to also reduce risk of severe health issues such as cardiovascular, stroke and high blood pressure. Friends help you cope, which makes you more resilient. They care about your well being and offer advice. They improve your self worth, confidence and sense of belonging. It’s not about numbers, it is the strength of even a few connections.
You most likely spent the majority of your life to date caring for others, raising children even grandchildren, supporting a spouse, helping siblings and parents. As we age many of these relationships have grown, changed and even moved on. Now we become the ones needing care. Others in similar situations are often more available than family (often living far) or relatives who have needs or have passed. What is becoming the solution?
While many are embracing the senior living concept (not nursing home or assisted living). Dynamic fun filled relaxed days with like minded seniors are a big growth phase now. Developments offering options are selling out quickly. So what have I learned with many patients in the midst of cancer care and senior living? Gretchen told me it was good at first and she didn’t become a burden to her children. There were others to check in and even drive her to treatments. That’s great. But….. as the journey continues, others develop their own needs or grow weary of care giving when the pickle ball (addictive) awaits. So Gretchen is moving out of the village and going into an apartment with some days of home health care. “Doc, now peace and quiet is a plus and I am still not a burden”. For Terri, the solution is more intimate and a really rapidly developing one. Friends choosing to live together. Hire cleaners, trade off or hire a cook, care for the home, drive each other to activities or appointments, even have a nurse or aid come into home to check up. This communal living is a great way to establish health and well-being with camaraderie and serve a developing need. Folks gravitating to the excitement of big active developments are not ready to downsize their living adventures. While women have greater longevity, I foresee this new communal space growing. Even Steve said, “Doc this is my friend, Joe who is bringing me. We decided after our wives passed to consolidate living. It’s less expensive and nice to have someone to talk with in the next recliner. Once a week we still play golf with our buddies.”
Today is a reminder that you did the work. You launched your family. Now look around an make way for the next chapter by taking control before someone else does. As I said recently to a friend, children cannot and should not make a new life for us. The best way to support them is to take care of ourselves into senior -hood and secure our own safety. It may even come with fun, probably some wine and now we know, definitely improved longevity.