Can you believe the “NEW” Webster word for 2023 is “authentic“?? Of course coming on the heels of “gas-lighting” (the opposite) for 2022 perhaps it’s a way to redeem. In this space we define authentic. You learned after drama, disease, disappointment that nothing mattered if it wasn’t true- to your values, your history and now your daily life.
There is a lot of confession in exam room one and it is a way to shed what doesn’t work any longer. There is no room for past pain, disagreements and sadness. When you fight for your life you would never choose to battle for bogus.
You no longer (if you ever) photo-shop a photo. You want everyone to really see the real you. You find it important to apologize for the hurt, but without compromising your authentic thoughts. Your feelings come closer to the surface and you express them more freely. You reach out when you were closed. You stop guarding because that seems unnecessary now.
What bliss to be authentic. It is freeing and refreshing. You express your love more openly. You have opinion and experience but you allow for others. You clearly recognize authenticity and are not shamed or influenced. You value truth in all things and all people.You recognize that the most important attribute is not beauty, brains, brawn, wealth or even wisdom, it is integrity.
Think it’s age-related? No, its more that in adversity you found your true self. What peace. So today I agree with Webster in focusing on a word that means everything. Sharing what matters most when life is waning gives power to this concept. In exam room one we don’t have the luxury of dressing it up, smiling it away or even ignoring. It takes all of us being authentic. The patient with needs, the family with expectations and the Doc with responsibility. It is a sacred time that requires all charade banned.
Josh is critically ill. He will not be here for Christmas. He is too weak to respond to questions, so his mother does for him. She pats his hand. He had a hard life and in his 40’s it is tragic now. No chemo or radiation will rescue. Mom knows this. In the pain there is so much love. He is grateful for her. While she is terrified, I assure her that her presence is the healing- not for his body, but his heart. I remind her not to express disappointment because he will feel that he let her down by being unlucky. I remind her to just be here for him. Express love. Be grateful you have time at least to express your authentic feelings. Tell him that you will be OK. Josh really does not need daily therapy. He needs his mother’s love. What is more authentic than this?
Your best outcome when you present for care or treatment is to be sure that you are authentic in the request as well. Really evaluate what you want for your own life. When Mitch asked me to NOT treat him because the expense would be too great for his surviving wife and he wanted to be sure he could care for her after he is gone, was probably one of the most authentic requests I’ve had in years. If you wish to return to full function, tell them. If you need to be out of pain don’t be shy. In oncology at least we can still prescribe. If you demand everything is done so you can raise your young children, then be sure to seek out those who leave no trial or protocol off the table. If you are tired of fighting and want peace, express that to your family.
Authenticity is yours alone. Be bold. It is the only trait that truly matters.