As a follow-on to my ” Jersey” connection last week, the first visit on Monday brings a tiny octogenarian into the room. Her spunk belies the wheelchair as she greets everyone and is full of chatter. The world once again shrinks when I find she hails from New Jersey. Wait it gets better…. her husband was stationed at Ft Dix where she raised her children (just a few miles from the hospital I worked and also near my home). The patient quickly quips’ “Hey Doc, do you remember the Hawaiian Cottage?” I haven’t heard that name in decades. It was a cute night club between Atlantic City (long before casinos) and Philly.
“I was a Hula dancer there! Once I shook my coconuts and it snapped and flew across the room!” She seems proud of this. Lest you wonder, it was a wholesome environment with stage performers essentially putting on a Luau show. “Leillani, (her stage name) that’s where my husband took me to celebrate after we became engaged!” Since it was the 70’s she believes she was there at the time. Now that is a really crazy connection.
She forgets why she is sitting in a cancer center in front of an oncologist while she reminisces. Eventually we get around to the discussion and she realizes at this point, her life won’t be extended because longevity has already been achieved, but comfort is a goal. She says that she wants to go out kicking high! “Leillani, just don’t knock anyone’s eye out with your coconuts!” What fun to share the room with her.
Next up is Joe. He tells how he came down for bike week years ago from NJ and never went back. He appears tough, but the chemo and radiation will take a toll. “Throw it at me, Doc. I gotta live for my grandkids”, and his face and demeanor change in an instant from Biker to Pussycat.
The same morning comes Roger. I remark about his bike gear, and glad to see the full face helmet since many ride without here. “Doc I keep bikes all over the world: Germany, Mexico, South America and I ride and race them!” He tells me about the BMW, Harleys, Indian and more. He is very proud of this adventurous life. “As soon as I get done here next month I am off to Europe after I visit my family in NJ!” Get out. If this keeps up I will have to tease my hair up high.
The last patient of that full day presented with an Army hat. His age suggested he may have been exposed to agent orange in Vietnam and he was. “Doc, this all started long before then. I spent summers at the Jersey shore and we never used sun screen back then. Instead we put on baby oil and Iodine”. Oh, yes. Nothing was surprising me this day so I ventured to ask what shore (not beach as in Florida). LBI! “Long Beach Island” he says in case I am from another planet. “Beach Haven”. Good Lord, our shore home. This is Serendipity (the name of our boat lost in Sandy) . After the hurricane he decided it was time to find a beach south. Of course we commiserated on the recent activity right here with Ian and Nicole. ” Sandy was terrible enough, Doc and now I lost my Florida beach house. I moved in with my sister. You think cancer’s tough!”
And so my Jersey adventure continued this week. There are folks who think it’s just a highway from PA or NY to the shore. But for many others it was a home that travels in their hearts. When patients arrive in my orbit for care, it is imperative to see them- not just their disease. This is their life. I respect their uniqueness and believe that connection enhances trust. Joe chuckled in the lobby as he left, ” I can’t believe I had to come all the way down here to get a Jersey Doc!
These unsuspecting suspects give me a boost of nostalgia completely out of the blue. What’s important is that cancer care is very nuanced. It is complex requiring combinations of surgery, chemo, immunotherapy, radiation. Medical records today consist of boxes to check- all the same. Do you notice how everyone is looking down on a screen when you are in the room? I fiercely believe that it is important to know who we are treating not just what. Your Doc may not take the moments to explore, so go in ready to tell them what you expect out of this effort. They will then have a better sense of how to manage your unique circumstance. You don’t have to shake your coconuts or ride a Harley. You don’t even have to be from Jersey.