Kevin Bacon, Philly boy (six degrees of separation) has nothing on my sister. For Marie, everyone is one degree of separation. She makes friends quickly and for life. She has the admirable gift of connection, and has since first grade, when she learned there were more than just 5 people in her world. Sharing her secret, she would tell you that it is about asking the right questions. The engagement then follows. I have found in my practice that this is key to forming a quick and necessary bond. Although there is teaching, informing, exploring, and treating, managing cancer for me requires trust and connection. In the new practice I am getting a lot of practice. We are forging a path together, the patient reaching in hope, the doctor with care.

What lovely serendipity on Monday as I entered a new center and exam room. The very first patient, Dorothy, describes her journey with an unmistakable Philly accent. Whereas much of the population in Jacksonville are natives, further down the coast more hail from the Northeast, visited and stayed. I could not believe the connection. Dorothy and her husband lived for 30 years on the same tiny street as my own grandmother who immigrated from Poland in the early 1900’s. We discussed (as Philly people do) food, bakeries, Polish specialty shops. The drama of her newfound illness faded from her frown. Even her husband chimed in as he hailed from my in-laws area and high school. A sign? For sure. We both felt that all will be well. This continued for the week. Another robust tough guy described playing football against our high school. Then a veteran described his journey in Vietnam the same year as my husband, the force immediate. By Friday I started to take it all for granted. When Val was disappointed to not see her “normal” oncologist, it took a few minutes to reassure her. The Jersey girl cried and hugged when she left, learning that Toms River, her former town is home to my dear friend, Mary.

What all of this has in common isn’t just geography or even similar stories and history. It is really seeing the person behind the disease. I find the relationship is critical to care- even if the only common bond is our presence together in the exam room. In medical school ethics class I have mentioned before, they teach to honor the patient’s point of view and values not inflict yours. It is imperative to approach each patient as a unique individual. Today, politics has created such animosity between people, friends and families. The strife at home and abroad ratchets up the division. It is imperative to remember that it isn’t our mission in life to explain, cajole, debate, or influence. Let it all go. Just be with the person in front of you, honoring their perspective and recognizing in their life that they are entitled to opinions, actions and self direction.

Our mission, should we choose to accept, is to listen with an open heart, inspire when we can, lead with action when motivated and love with your whole heart. Have a wonderful and wonder-filled week and thank you for connecting with me today.