As of July I am in a new practice. After 14 years, it is a mixed blessing since I dearly love my patients. I have not left them. They are each in my heart and I pray for them daily. This week, in a new environment, I had the opportunity to meet Sara. She’s been at this “cancer thing” for 5 years. She is worn out, but still courageous.

I introduce myself and say, “How are you?” She raises her head, looks me in the eye and says, “Doc, I am not sad”. It’s a remark that opens the environment for exploration. “Sara, what does that mean to you?” She offers how she explored alternative treatments out West, spent time in “wellness centers”, traveled to yoga/meditation retreats, all in an effort to confront her new life. “You know, I spent a ton of money and energy trying everything. I searched and searched and researched. I hoped I would find peace or comfort or even happiness. But I realized something this year. I just don’t want to be sad anymore”.

I offer that this is worthwhile. She continues, “It is such a relief to just have that simple goal. I don’t have to fight, or be mad or depressed. I don’t have to perseverate on regrets. I just have to choose to not be sad. It is very hard to choose to be happy- it doesn’t just settle on you. So after all this time, I am choosing the simpler concept and it is a huge relief.”

Sara does all the activities we have talked about here: meditation, exercise, eating right, avoiding alcohol, spending time with friends and relatives. But she admits that the undercurrent humming for years has been sadness. Everyone has grief when the life changing event happens. We pine for a return to normalcy, knowing it lies in acceptance not turning back. Sara teaches us that frenetic striving is unnecessary. Calm, peace, acceptance and even love can surface if the weight is lifted. Choosing to be “not sad” is a palpable meaningful start.

The lesson from soft spoken, sweet Sara today helps me as well. My own trepidation for a new adventure has been soothed. I learn that there will continue to be new engagement and ideas to share by “discussing cancer”, which by now you realize is never discussing cancer but living well.

Sara took a chance opening the door to this revelation to a new physician. I asked if I could share her concept which may help someone and she agreed. “Doc, its not earth shattering, life changing or even very philosophically deep. But it works for me and I am so pleased that I found that I can simply choose to be not sad everyday”. It’s a step.