Mr. Stevens is in trouble. He can no longer care for his invalid wife, being one himself now. Relying on an only son who needs to leave his new job, the ripple effect unfolding is tragic. So much extensive disease put off by covid. We finish the complex visit and the small despondent patient in the wheelchair, suddenly puts out his had to stop me and pipes up, “Doc, I like your socks!” That is a surprise. Mrs. Clark has been at this breast cancer work for 10 years. It’s become an actual pain in the neck. She and her husband are exhausted. After an hour discussing plans, as she leaves she quips, “Nice socks, Doc!” Carlos from South America finally made his way to healthcare with a football size tumor. The family translates as we come up with a plan. They file out of the room, but Carlos stops, turns to me and says: “I want to say, the stockings” and give me a thumbs up.
The cute colorful flowered pattern peaks out under my slacks as I sit in front of these patients yesterday. Not really a fashion statement- just an unusually cold January morning. When the fourth patient remarked “Yo, Doc, Nice socks!” I saw a theme and realized how the socks captured their imagination and even made them smile. The unexpected frivolity appearing in an otherwise abnormal world for them.
Perhaps they saw me as more approachable behind the intimidating white coat and smile -obscuring mask. The deliverer of bad news without opportunity to hug. After a year of drama at every turn: covid, politics, vaccines, home schooling, isolation, adding cancer can be the final straw. Patients previously armed for battle are just plain overwhelmed. Men cry while their wives wait in the car. Adult children yell through the phone to their parents who are frightened. Wives say, “Doc, we can’t take anymore what about hospice?”
The shift is that no one is asking for more- everyone wants less: less chemo, less radiation and surgical procedures, less visits- let’s just be done. Many are now saying, “This is just too much” and shake their heads. The exhaustion is real. My staff and I could support, encourage, maybe raise spirits. We are finding it so difficult now. I think the reaction to the socks is emblematic of this struggle.
Maybe they think if I have the courage to wear them, they can find courage too. But what I really imagine is that people are desperate for something to uplift them, and even the smallest distraction is welcome. Perhaps we can all find ways to lighten this time for those hurting. Send something from a favorite bakery or a barrel of pretzels, a homemade card with their picture attached and a kind message, drop off a meal to a neighbor by surprise, help someone sign up for the vaccine (this one requires patience and a mouth guard… gnashing of teeth). I am going to let the socks inspire me to consider thoughtful ways too. We cannot wait for others to improve lives, it is up to us.