When men come into the cancer center for care, I am acutely aware that this disease is derailing their life’s work. They wear many hats: father, husband, coach, provider, friend, son and care giver. The cancer victim hat doesn’t belong on their crown. Usually they don’t accept it easily. They are looking for a way out of the drama.

I have been privileged to treat thousands of fathers over the years and I understand their need to protect is strong. Jeff bounces his one year old son on his knee while we detail therapy for a new diagnosis. Benny another patient, whispers even though we are alone because he wants to impress upon me his need to keep his diagnosis of stage IV prostate cancer from his daughters and grandchildren. Carl is a big tough guy brought to his knees with a head and neck cancer but he never takes time from work because he needs to provide for his large (seven children) family. What they have in common with the thousands of fathers is that they want to deflect attention from themselves and harness power within to make this a winning battle.

I watch as these men leave their visit with me and walk down the hallway, straightening their cap, standing taller and putting a smile on their face to the family in the waiting room. The wife and children may have fear in their eyes, but the father is in control of the message.

I admire the fortitude. As their cancer physician, I understand the chaos they are facing- there is no room for this insult in their lives. But I know these men having stood up to a role of father or father figure will be fierce and unafraid. Fatherhood takes strength, leadership, calm demeanor, respect of children and respect for their mother. There is no room for selfishness even or especially when their own world is tilted. It is a unique, quiet, profound role for life.

I pledge to do my best to care for these amazing fathers. God Bless the men in your life who have filled that role. A prayer to those who passed, a phone call to those still here, a hug for those close will touch their hearts. Appreciate the father figures who have paved your path, pushed you to be strong, encouraged bravery, helped you to fulfill a dream, had vision for you and lifted you up. Celebrate the person you are because someone strong once held your tiny hand and believed everything was possible for you. They still do.