Have you already have enough excitement for one lifetime? Did you hope retirement would be simple, calm and relaxing? You have the spirit for a future still holding so much more. There are innumerable experiences to be had and some will even require a real reinvention. You’ve done it before, so fear not. It may be a career, a move, change in relationships, passing of a spouse, injury, or health issues but reinvention is a life requirement. There is no luxury being complacent in having a steady path. The unknown is what can both inspire and excite us, even as it can be terrifying. In the cancer center, the reinvention occurs not only for the patient, but significantly for family. The caregiving responsibilities present immediately when a loved one is ill. Plans for travel, work and even school are often put on hold. If you have gone through the cancer experience, you know all of this well. You dig deep and find the resilience needed for the journey, even as you gently guide your loved ones beside you.
When we were younger, this discussion of cancer was unusual. Unfortunately, now it presents often in even off handed comments. You meet many who also have developed amazing courage, fortitude, peace in the process, and shared wisdom that comes from this reinvention. Can the fact that others have managed cancer give you solace? Can they help you face your own fears? Yes. But each of us goes through life individually. We are in parallel with others, but we live our own experiences. As we do this, we lean, but we still have to stand. We have anxiety, but we still need to perform and succeed. We may be timid in this new process, but we must find the courage.
This week, a friendly chat reminded me of this resiliency. Marlene and I met a few years ago and sadly, her husband‘s cancer journey was swift and devastating. As a widow, she was unsure as to her new direction: stay in her current community? Move closer to children and family? She had just retired and was caregiver to her husband of 40 years. She seemed adrift then, but was still determined to carve a path. I had not seen her for some time but now she has an entirely new story. She was headed to the gym, determined to be as strong and as vibrant as she could. Her enthusiasm is infectious. Yet she detailed that six months ago, she went through her own cancer journey. Having surgery then chemo she proudly showed me her Porta cath site. She was not going to tolerate any words of empathy or surprise. She shrugged with a grin and said, “It’s a new life”.
We can look to others for examples like Marlene, but when the lab results, the biopsy, the scans have your name on them, the challenge just got very real and personal. It is OK. You are allowed to have fear; you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to be confused. Please remember that you have reinvented yourself many many times in your years and this “new you” is well prepared. You will also experience kindness and compassion in new ways. All those life experiences, tough and joyful, have brought you to this point. Trust that with age has come increased boldness, and your amazing uniqueness will welcome another powerful reinvention.
Blessed Cardinal John Newman’s words: “ To live is to change, and to become perfect is to have changed often” .