There was a time we had it all figured out. We had strength in thought and action and were undeterred. Then we adult (yes its a verb now). We turn inward, stifling exuberant responses and become cautious, even fearful. The anxiety and self doubt takes over. Sleep eludes us. Loss and confusion outpaces gain and abundance.

So much research and advice is available. In fact you could spend your day trying it all: Tapping (yes its a thing), journaling… doing it for years, right? Stopping anxiety in its tracks with the 5,4,3,2,1, process (see 5 things, touch 4 etc, using senses to distract from the spiraling). Frankly all this self help is exhausting. But when real trauma strikes, you cannot write, smell, medicate or tap it away.

You will be changed, probably forever. You will discuss your own cancer path twenty years from now. You will grieve the loss of a loved one’s separation. Again and again, your new reality hits each day and a weight comes over, squeezing your heart. I tell you now. It is okay. The first step in any need for change is to acknowledge. Sit with it. It will feel like self surrender and you want desperately to lift the weight off. Don’t add to your anxiety by thinking that you should not give into your feelings. Every patient I see grieves the loss of who they were before cancer- some deeply others take it in stride, but getting them to live their new life doesn’t happen by ignoring their circumstances.

“Ok, Doc, so what’s the plan?” Good question. Go find your socks and sneakers. Yes, right now. “But I have to….” No.. you have to help yourself- nothing else matters now. Walk. Grab your walker if you must and walk, preferably outside if safe. Bundle up. Take an umbrella. A friend or a dog helps too. Let nothing deter you. Move your eyes to take in nature as much as possible. If you must walk, or even wheel, in the house, perhaps holding onto things, look around you and really see. The movement in your body will soothe your mind after about 10 minutes. If we did an mri you would appreciate the changes. Do it every single day. You will begin to look forward to it. You will not be soothed forever but it is a start toward helping you accept. Become strong in body which will impact your mind and soothe your thinking. It is that simple. You will then face your challenges with more strength which is what you really need. You are not a snowflake. You are not going to dismiss, ignore, drug, drink, or wallow your problems away. You are going to empower yourself and face them boldly. You are going to take back control. Managing your thoughts and physiology of your brain starts with one step (literally). Do it every day. Your mind, your heart and your wellness will benefit. I am excited for you, carving your own path and taking real action.