Do you have some special holiday traditions? Have you found them changing over the years? A comical one in my family for 18 years had us driving our Bichon Frise up and down the East coast to be sure he was part of the festivities. Scooter was worth every effort, but he probably dreaded holidays. When I see cute Christmas napkins with the doggie in the car I know pet lovers understand. What are your traditions now? Often modifications are necessary and can happen quickly.

This week many patients describe their upcoming Thanksgiving plans, some with trepidation. “I need a doctor’s note to get out of it this year. My kids, grand kids, babies and dogs all come into town and I am just not up to it!” I tell Miss Thelma that she can turn her kitchen over to them and just enjoy the visit. A few days later she is excited because she invited another patient who is without family to come to her busy home. “My grandson is going to pick up Mrs. Evans and I can’t wait for her to see my great grandchildren!” A new tradition is forming.

Marco is a big burly man who finished therapy and loves to cook. He just needs someone to cook for. “Doc I feel so blessed because I am done with you (what?) Since my wife died a few years ago and the kids are out of town, I decided to help at the church kitchen this year. I make a mean cornbread stuffing!” Mr. Griffith is handling treatment for prostate cancer very well and since he retired, busy with household renovations. “My wife added a job to my ‘honey-do’ list: make a reservation for Thanksgiving dinner!”

What these and so many other conversations have in common is a break from former customs. Although we love the comfort and familiarity of traditions, holding them too close can result in melancholy for times lost. The people I have the fortune to see have a new perspective with this health battle. Acceptance. Change what you can to still enjoy yourself. Looking forward instead of pining for the “old days” opens us up to many opportunities.

Karen said, “While my husband is deployed and with no family nearby, I am so happy that a few of us wives are getting together. We are all bringing a special dish and ordering the turkey. Thanksgiving sure has changed for me but now I can’t wait!” Since ‘the only constant in life is change’ (Heraclitus), be open to new experiences. You may be surprised how your day can welcome peace when your mind and heart are seeing the world so differently now.

What did cancer teach you? I am sure it was to accept, modify and be grateful. Scooter never could speak up for himself. I bet for all those years he wished he could just stay home but tradition kept us on a path. Changing your routine and customs may come as a relief for you and others, so explore options. It’s your life, your holiday. Be true to your own ability and desire. Be bold to make a new memory or be peaceful and tucked in. Whatever you do is right for you. Since Thanksgiving is about gratefulness, let transformations in your traditions bring you contentment. Life isn’t about the holiday. Its about celebrating you.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone- just remember to make it your own.