Confusion, intimidation, exploding information all crash in when a person begins the cancer “journey”. Nothing can prepare you for the drama. You can’t study for the tests, plan for the process or even give any direction. You will be poked, prodded, pushed. But you will be supported and delivered gently and safely to decisions.
Today’s message is not to prepare you, because nothing can. Just know that you are resilient and brave and view it all as an experience (albeit one you’d rather not endure). What is important is that, as the dust settles and biopsies are done, surgery maybe chemo maybe radiation planned, you then have to step up and take real responsibility.
This week offers good examples as I engage and counsel patients and families. In room one is Rose. “Honey, I don’t have time for all this fuss! It’s just a little skin cancer and my doctor made me come. I don’t want any treatment. I am going North next month when I turn 90 and going to party and dance!! Do we all have to be super seniors to grab control of events? I send her on her way to return for a check in a few months. Room two is Ernie, a retired captain of industry with a startling new stage IV diagnosis. It is widely metastatic, not just arthritis pain when he golfs. He is used to being in control but he and his wife are floored. “Doc, is it worth it? I hear horror stories.” I invite him to get the first round of chemo and some radiation for pain and take one month at a time. You don’t have to buy into the entire plan which is overwhelming. New treatments will extend his life. He is surprised by his own tears as his wife reaches to hug him.
Roger in room three is still battling in spite of his extensive disease burden. He should be in hospice but is requesting palliation for pain, not for himself, but so that he can continue to care for his ailing wife. In room four, Daisy guards the door. The beautiful, dutiful, vigilant guide dog is at high attention for Phil, an injured Veteran. “Doc, she’s been with me 8 years, I gotta do this for her, she’d be lost without me”.
At every turn, there is a unique issue. Not only are the diseases different, the patients bring with them special circumstances and personal perspectives that must be honored. No bulldozing or arm twisting here. Even the right decision today can change tomorrow. The best advice: listen to the plan. Do some research (NCCN guidelines for patients helps). Talk with your family. Don’t be intimidated and listen to your own voice and intuition. Your physicians have responsibility to present the best plan of care, but you have the duty to tell us how to help you live your best life.
